Anu bhavana (with becoming): being with your direct experience as things come together, copulate, transmute (i.e. heat, light, color) or coalesce the senses.
Sometimes I like to teach yoga naked…“themeless” that is;) As you might imagine, flashing a class can be daunting, especially for a compulsive theme-addict like myself. I admit it. I like to have a plan. Really, is that so bad? Planning does work well most of the time. So, why then step out and expose myself?
Well, maybe you can relate. You prepare. You study. You edit. You hold back until you know just one more fact, find just the right time/person(s) or learn one more technique. In your quest for perfection, amid a cacophony of relentless self monitoring and theorizing, you one day awake to find you are the “who” standing in your own way. Analysis paralysis. You haven’t perfected a darn thing. And all the while, tick-tock, possibility after possibility passes you by.
Or, perhaps you do act, even brilliantly but on auto pilot. I’ve noticed this as I’ve watched some business leaders or top athletes. Flawless. Buttoned up. Measured. Practiced. They’ve got an answer for everything. Yet they don’t risk much and they don’t give/get much either. Knock-knock, anybody in there? All technique. No heart.
So every now and again I leave my notebook (a.k.a. security binky) at home. No plan. No theme (…gasp). You pick your favorite asanas and together we co-create our class letting a theme emerge (or not.) We practice opening to whatever is being offered right then and there, letting go, trusting, playing and even making a mess on our mats.
In other words, we practice making mud balls. In the delightfully fun book Life is a Verb Patti Digh wrote a chapter entitled polish your mud balls. (note: I tried to weave the excerpt I read aloud into this post:) In it she shares a metaphor about pottery students who were graded an A for either quantity (50 lbs of pots) or quality (one perfect pot.) Which group do you think produced the highest quality pots? You guessed it, the group tasked with quantity. Instead of hypothesizing, they jumped in and submersed themselves in that wonderfully meditative current of direct experience (anu bhavana), churning out piles of work and continuously learning from their mistakes.
So what happens in a yoga class when not having a plan is the plan?
• Sometimes not much. No theme emerges. It's just one more pot (class.)
• Other times a pot (theme) beyond your wildest imagination appears.
Dare I put in writing, cow butt, which has snuck its way into becoming our class moniker for the expanding spiral of the upper inner thighs that blossoms your toosh. When I suggested to the terrific women of Wisconsin, “stick out your booty like J.Lo.” they responded, “Oh, you mean like a cow?” Well ok, yes, that works too, like a cow. The rest is history. This theme has taken on a life of its own!
• And then when you least expect it out comes the perfect pot.
In one class as we moved from Robin’s favorite pose of squat (malasana) to Tom’s perennial pick crow (bakasana) into another side arm balance...voila! The perfect theme surfaced: love is stronger than fear.
Arm balances are great teachers. All too often we let fear take the lead as we enter the pose. It riddles our hands with uncertainty, makes us doubt and look outside of ourselves for confirmation, or already has us conjuring up an escape plan before we’ve even started.
Similarly from time to time off our mats we may (well) freak-out when faced with circumstances that rattle us, wake us up, expose our insecurities, whether it’s dating, trying a new hobby, love or ever changing job responsibilities.
When fear is in charge, someone always gets hurt.
So as an alternative you practiced leaning into the uncertainty of an arm balance with love not fear. You confidently placed your hands on the mat, stayed true to yourself with honest alignment, and found chaturaunga (low push up), a pose you’ve worked on and perfected. Next you softened your heart and unabashedly let the energy flow. It truly was awesome to watch. If your legs took flight, fantastic…if not, who cared, you were practicing something much more useful off the mat, trusting yourself to whole heartedly align with the current streaming through you and open to the here and now.
What happened when you applied our spontaneous theme to handstand?
Progress and high fives. Instead of kicking up with a crazy leg flailing with fear you infused it with your love for anything from ice cream to your children. And WOOO-HOOO, Barbara kicked up into handstand without any assistance, something she has been working on for years!! Yea!
In closing...
Dive into the fullness of the moment with a heroic heart (vikrama).
Make a choice. Doing nothing is doing something. The opening of the Bhagavad Gita is a good reminder of this centuries old quandary. Lord Krishna asks the warrior Arjuna to consider whether or not he is breaking the promise of yoga by not taking the action of stepping onto the battle field. The field he faced was filled with contradictions, obstacles and no possibility of a perfect outcome; his family members were on the opposing side.
At some point all of us must step onto a similar playing field– whether the starting line of a race, a stage, a board room, or hovering over your phone as you’re about to send “that” text - any moment where you find yourself standing naked at the midline between your deepest vulnerabilities and greatest triumphs, between the agony of heart break and the thrill of fulfilling your deepest desire.
And so we practiced on our mats, not just the diving but also the swimming that follows. We sought out that moment after you jump when you realize omg, now what? You are out in the open and vulnerable. Do you grab a fig leaf for cover? Allow yourself to be paralyzed by the possibility of failure? Or do you lean forward into that current (anu bhavana) where things come together, transmute and coalesce and instead ride the wave that’s right there in the moment? Love the rhythm. Honor it. Welcome the people who enter the flow. Cracks and all. And instead of perfection, splash, fiddle around, revel in the ambiguity.
My wish for each of you as we left our mats was that you take the risk of exposing yourself (figuratively and legally, of course!) and then in the moments that follow, you trust. You have done the hard work. I see it each week when you practice on your mat. You already have all that you need. And you don’t have to go anywhere, the time is always now. This current is forever flowing. You do not need to wait for the perfect confluence of events for a little skinny dipping.
To co participating versus orchestrating, to aligning rather than designing and above all to trusting that love is stronger than fear, Namaste!
P.S. In a blog post about spontaneous themes and baring it all, I’d be remiss if I did not mention one of the best observations ever. Sue noted, “Ed is going strapless to show off his back cleavage in mer-man!” Guess I’m not the only one who likes to go rogue on the mat.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
CEO CEO CEO
Do you know a Jack(ie) Welch?
She oversees a complex set of finances and even with razor thin budgets, never misses Plan. When there is a large home improvement project she relentlessly brands the overall vision with the contractors and much to their dismay is a shrewd negotiator. She handles highly matrixed household logistics with ease. And I’m pretty sure she’s gone so far as to set annual performance objectives for the person who cleans her home, as she thoughtfully weighs the pros/cons of a job elimination. When asked what keeps her up at night, she’ll tell you she worries most that she is not doing enough to create an environment where her children feel safe to be creative and take risks amid the pressures of an increasingly competitive world.
No doubt, she is a Chief Executive Officer (CEO).
But then again, we concluded, aren’t we all CEOs? At the very least of our own lives, and then as leaders of companies, teams, class rooms, families, book clubs, bands, etc.
This class was inspired by an article in Forbes magazine entitled, “Yoga Made Me a Better CEO”. The opening quote of the article: “Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape.” So we in turn practiced being CEOs on our mats.
Executive Summary
• Accept the CEO role, pour your heart into it (*)
• Set your intention
• Unwavering focus on mission v.s. short term gains
• None of us alone is as good as all of us together
• Inspire a shared purpose
• Strive for continuous improvement
• Push to try things you never imagined
• Yet manage the risk, you’re not a renegade, always have a plan B
• Use yoga to reorient your outlook on life, renew your sense of play
• Have fun!
Examples
I. Are you artificially inflating your short term stock price at the expense of long term gains?
In Virabhadrasana (Warrior) I, we practiced steadfastly infusing your back leg with your “mission” statement. Using the see saw principle, the shins of your back leg moved in (down) so that your thighs moved out (up.) Now the hard part, as you kept your back leg straight (true to your “mission”), you bent your front knee directly over your ankle angling toward your 4th/5th toes, and resisted the temptation to bend your front knee so much to "get" the pose(a.k.a short term inflation of your stock price) at the expense of buckling your back leg (a.k.a. compromise your long term “mission”.) While you may not have gone as far in the short term, trust me, this alignment was better for the long term health of your hips and knees (a.k.a your "company".)
II. Test your limits, take risks to go farther than you did before. Yet always have a plan B.
We challenged ourselves to (3) consecutive urdhva dhanurasana (back bends.) However, just like a CEO has business continuity (BCP) plans, we also had a plan B on our mats, whether setting up blocks on a diagonal at the wall, entering into joint ventures to use another’s ankles or staying with bridge pose.
Now...I’m not so sure about the CEOs who suggested their “mission” statements called for going to lunch after the first urdhva “d”;)
III. Create a culture which inspires inclusion and a shared purpose. We're better together.
We used eka pada rajakapotasana prep (pigeon) to test the culture created by our inside voice when the stakes were raised and the pressure mounted. To set up our organization structure, we held our “mission” in the core of the belly to inspire security and inclusion and then created the space needed for collaboration to flourish by taking the sides of the waist back without constricting the environment (collapsing the hips.) After several minutes, when the intensity began to build, you answered for yourself whether your internal words that ultimately create culture were admonishing or uplifting? As a CEO under duress did you take full accountability or project it onto someone else, like me? (I know, I take class too!)
In closing…
Simply stated, yoga makes all of us better.
To stepping fully into the role of CEO in all that you do both on and off your mat, namaste!
(*) After class I was reminded that Starbuck’s CEO Howard Schultz’s first book is similarly titled, “Pour Your Heart Into It: How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time.”
Link to the article: http://www.forbes.com/2011/03/25/yoga-meditation-better-ceo-leadership-managing-kawer.html
She oversees a complex set of finances and even with razor thin budgets, never misses Plan. When there is a large home improvement project she relentlessly brands the overall vision with the contractors and much to their dismay is a shrewd negotiator. She handles highly matrixed household logistics with ease. And I’m pretty sure she’s gone so far as to set annual performance objectives for the person who cleans her home, as she thoughtfully weighs the pros/cons of a job elimination. When asked what keeps her up at night, she’ll tell you she worries most that she is not doing enough to create an environment where her children feel safe to be creative and take risks amid the pressures of an increasingly competitive world.
No doubt, she is a Chief Executive Officer (CEO).
But then again, we concluded, aren’t we all CEOs? At the very least of our own lives, and then as leaders of companies, teams, class rooms, families, book clubs, bands, etc.
This class was inspired by an article in Forbes magazine entitled, “Yoga Made Me a Better CEO”. The opening quote of the article: “Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape.” So we in turn practiced being CEOs on our mats.
Executive Summary
• Accept the CEO role, pour your heart into it (*)
• Set your intention
• Unwavering focus on mission v.s. short term gains
• None of us alone is as good as all of us together
• Inspire a shared purpose
• Strive for continuous improvement
• Push to try things you never imagined
• Yet manage the risk, you’re not a renegade, always have a plan B
• Use yoga to reorient your outlook on life, renew your sense of play
• Have fun!
Examples
I. Are you artificially inflating your short term stock price at the expense of long term gains?
In Virabhadrasana (Warrior) I, we practiced steadfastly infusing your back leg with your “mission” statement. Using the see saw principle, the shins of your back leg moved in (down) so that your thighs moved out (up.) Now the hard part, as you kept your back leg straight (true to your “mission”), you bent your front knee directly over your ankle angling toward your 4th/5th toes, and resisted the temptation to bend your front knee so much to "get" the pose(a.k.a short term inflation of your stock price) at the expense of buckling your back leg (a.k.a. compromise your long term “mission”.) While you may not have gone as far in the short term, trust me, this alignment was better for the long term health of your hips and knees (a.k.a your "company".)
II. Test your limits, take risks to go farther than you did before. Yet always have a plan B.
We challenged ourselves to (3) consecutive urdhva dhanurasana (back bends.) However, just like a CEO has business continuity (BCP) plans, we also had a plan B on our mats, whether setting up blocks on a diagonal at the wall, entering into joint ventures to use another’s ankles or staying with bridge pose.
Now...I’m not so sure about the CEOs who suggested their “mission” statements called for going to lunch after the first urdhva “d”;)
III. Create a culture which inspires inclusion and a shared purpose. We're better together.
We used eka pada rajakapotasana prep (pigeon) to test the culture created by our inside voice when the stakes were raised and the pressure mounted. To set up our organization structure, we held our “mission” in the core of the belly to inspire security and inclusion and then created the space needed for collaboration to flourish by taking the sides of the waist back without constricting the environment (collapsing the hips.) After several minutes, when the intensity began to build, you answered for yourself whether your internal words that ultimately create culture were admonishing or uplifting? As a CEO under duress did you take full accountability or project it onto someone else, like me? (I know, I take class too!)
In closing…
Simply stated, yoga makes all of us better.
To stepping fully into the role of CEO in all that you do both on and off your mat, namaste!
(*) After class I was reminded that Starbuck’s CEO Howard Schultz’s first book is similarly titled, “Pour Your Heart Into It: How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time.”
Link to the article: http://www.forbes.com/2011/03/25/yoga-meditation-better-ceo-leadership-managing-kawer.html
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Love Muffins
Prasad: food, soulful offering with the intent to nourish someone else
Here is the recipe we perfected for baking ourselves into love muffins on our mats.
Ingredients
1 c. precision, too much or too little can ruin the whole batch
2 c. solid foundation, a finely crafted baking pan
3 c. melted heart, tips of scapula united
4 c. deep intention to create a delectable gift for someone else
For best results use only the finest all natural organic ingredients. (From what I see each week, definitely not a problem!)
Tips
• Muffins are not cake, the batter is meant to be a little lumpy! Over-mixing can lead to dense, tough muffins.
• Adding your special unique spice(s) makes all the difference.
Method
No preheating required. Instead of baking at 350 degrees, in each asana, simply let yourself be seen by the ultimate baker, that essence which knows your name. It's comforting, encircles and holds you, from the floor to the ceiling to far beyond, unwavering in its desire to treat you to a delicious experience. And, no matter what, it will not let you down (said otherwise, let your muffin tops flop). Think about it—this essense is holding together even the tiniest of atoms in the most rock solid of objects. Whipping up a batch of love muffins is nothing, all in a days work.
Serving Suggestions
Serve love muffins with the soulfulness of pranam, bowing (i.e. in balasana, child's pose) in honor of the magnificence of something bigger than yourself, as if to say, "here look, I’ve truly done my very best to create this gift (love muffin) for you."
Nutrition
Heart healthy, unlimited source of sri
Here is the recipe we perfected for baking ourselves into love muffins on our mats.
Ingredients
1 c. precision, too much or too little can ruin the whole batch
2 c. solid foundation, a finely crafted baking pan
3 c. melted heart, tips of scapula united
4 c. deep intention to create a delectable gift for someone else
For best results use only the finest all natural organic ingredients. (From what I see each week, definitely not a problem!)
Tips
• Muffins are not cake, the batter is meant to be a little lumpy! Over-mixing can lead to dense, tough muffins.
• Adding your special unique spice(s) makes all the difference.
Method
No preheating required. Instead of baking at 350 degrees, in each asana, simply let yourself be seen by the ultimate baker, that essence which knows your name. It's comforting, encircles and holds you, from the floor to the ceiling to far beyond, unwavering in its desire to treat you to a delicious experience. And, no matter what, it will not let you down (said otherwise, let your muffin tops flop). Think about it—this essense is holding together even the tiniest of atoms in the most rock solid of objects. Whipping up a batch of love muffins is nothing, all in a days work.
Serving Suggestions
Serve love muffins with the soulfulness of pranam, bowing (i.e. in balasana, child's pose) in honor of the magnificence of something bigger than yourself, as if to say, "here look, I’ve truly done my very best to create this gift (love muffin) for you."
Nutrition
Heart healthy, unlimited source of sri
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Bottles of Beer…
Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall… Who says mantras must only be in Sanskrit? Chanting this classic road trip song during class might not have been as sonically effective as om namah shivya but it sure would have been fun. I’m still smiling thinking about a passerby peeking into the studio as we flowed through our asanas belting out a count down to ‘one bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer…’ until we stumbled into svasana.
Why all this talk about beer and yoga this week? I was inspired by a story about a Thai Buddhist temple in the province of Sisaket which– get this – was constructed using one million beer bottles! Yes, one million beer bottles. Check out a few more pics and link to the article below.
There is not much a change in perspective can’t transform into a good thing.
What intrigued me most about the temple is the blatant reminder that all of us have a tremendous amount of choice in how we see the world in which we live. Really, we do. And the next time you doubt it, recall the Buddhist beer temple!
The Buddhist monks could have turned away from the environmental waste which littered their town or expressed disgust for an enabler of addiction like alcohol.
Instead they chose to make art out of the mundane—to take the trash, waste, tempting vices, and sit with them, engage them head on, ultimately using them to build a sacred (optimally aligned) place.
And we can too. Making art out of our, at times humdrum, lives does not have to mean we take more trips to MoMA or the ballet, but rather cultivate our ability to more deeply appreciate the state/world we are in, whether standing in line at Target or on an exotic vacation.
So this week on our mats we practiced having a kaleidoscopic perspective, one that opens us up to possibilities…without drinking a few beers! Sorry to disappoint, but our practice is at 8:30AM. We placed particular attention on being receptive versus passive, and playing with the following:
• Invoke the always present rasa (taste) of shanta (peace)
• Move to the boundary of certainty
• Flex your thinking at the mid-line, uber-receptive to the possibilities
• Welcome the uncertainty
In keeping with indulging a libations theme, while in malasana (squat), I shared a quote:
Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it’s warmth.
And so we quickly digressed into some male encoded humor. You responded with your own favorite drinking related jokes, the only one I recollect had something to do with dunalp beer, and bellies that dunlap over your belt. Who says yoga class has to be serious:)
In closing...
My wish for you as we left our mats was that the Buddhist beer temple serves as a reminder that you can choose to make art out of the everyday. The monks chose to celebrate and make art of the world they live in, exactly as it is, with all of its perfect imperfections. So when you too find yourself at the boundary of certainty, just like we practiced our our mats this week, consider opening to the peace and calm (shanta) which is never father than your next breathe and welcome in the uncertainty, the alternative view point, the art. And the best side effect (hangover, if you will)...
...when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.
Om shanti!
P.S Here is a link to the full article: http://greenupgrader.com/4262/one-million-beer-bottles-later-and-its-a-buddhist-temple/2/
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friend Request
Kalyana-mitra: auspicious friend(s) whom we choose to share a mutually worthwhile passage.
Time magazine named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg their 2010 Person of the Year. Seemed everywhere we turned as we crossed the threshold into 2011 we were nibbled on by sound bites about his life, the movie Social Network, or the awe inspiring rise of Facebook. In just seven years, Facebook is approaching 600 million users, which is about one in every dozen people on the planet! The social entity is now two times as large as the population of the U.S. and 70% of the users are outside of the U.S.
Holy cow, we crave connection!
I first pulled together this now vintage 2009 class theme when the concept of Facebook was new to me and the US was at the height of the recession. At that time Deepak Chopra had suggested in an email newsletter to focus on deepening your relationships versus acquiring things.
So it seems finding and managing the delicate balance of meaningful relationship is a perennial pursuit. Just like on our yoga mats, we don’t “get” balance once and for all, we work and play at it always.
During the opening centering, I recalled a Tibetan Buddhist prayer often recited at the start of meditation which, in short, is a wish for all beings to have happiness, be free from suffering, and that your seemingly invisible practice be of benefit to all. There is a sweet presumption inherent in both this prayer from long ago and far away and the Facebook of our times—we are never alone, we are always in relationship.
The Time article touched on the many ways the rise of social networking is pushing us to think differently about relationship—virtual vs. the power of human touch or full fish-bowl like disclosure of all aspects of yourself vs. the extraordinary gift of intimacy—the bottom line, regardless of medium or how open/closed the boundary, we need each other to see ourselves more clearly.
And these relationships (reflections) matter. A recent study concluded relationships are a key health factor right up there with diet and exercise (no surprise). One outcome of the study that really stuck with me is that negativity rules. A single negative relationship has a stronger impact on health than a positive one. In fact it takes 7.2 positive relationships to compensate for 1 negative relationship. Goes to show there is wisdom in the saying, good fences make good neighbors. Be sure to choose and manage your networks with care!
Yet, with all of this connectivity, don't you think there continues to be way too much loneliness? I passed along to you a suggestion that was once shared with me—you are never alone on your yoga mat, no matter how far away from home or you feel in your own skin.
I liken it to passing by your PC or smart phone, knowing that your Facebook friend network is always there, with something to share or eager to listen to your contribution, the only difference is that with technology today you can actually see your Facebook network with a click of a button.
It may take a while longer for most of us to advance to this (spooky) level of clairvoyance while alone on our mats; which is probably a-OK given some of you in class in turn broke out into Rockwell's ‘80s hit song “It always feels like…somebody’s watching me”. Not only was that very funny, but rest assured definitely yes…you bet we will all be there whispering, “head of the arm bones back, top of the shin forward, small micro bend in the knee, put your head between your ears ;)”
Maintaining our social network is a process. Be as flexible...
For fun, we simulated a flexible social networking process in Parsvokanasana (standing side angle bend) using the Anusara universal principles of alignment. First, open to the possibility that just about any friend request holds the possibility of genuine friendship. Accept the invitation. As you engage in the process, sometimes you’ll be the primary contributor (organic energy), and then when you let’s say cross the mid line into being a serial Facebook poster of your every action to thousands of your closest friends(narcissism), no worries, you’ll pull back, tighten the boundary (muscular energy). Other times you’ll be the steadfast listener/spectator (outer spiral), but when you become so contracted you’re not posting or commenting at all (voyeurism), you’ll loosen up and offer back your unique voice (inner spiral).
...as you are strong.
Whether social networks or the meaning of words, when we look more closely, there is always more. Kalyanam is translated as celebration of relationship, marriage. Mitra means friend or ally; but it also means the sun, the most reliable source of companionship, which gives without asking for no other reason than it can wanting nothing in return—an act of pure unadulterated grace.
I’d venture to guess all of us want companionship that gives without asking anything in return, but may find it difficult from time to time to be an unwavering ally when our friends (or ourselves) act of out of fear or lead with their insecurities.
So today on our mats we also practiced being a reliable friend. Proving to ourselves we have what it takes to be that (1) positive relationship and if needed can give up to (7) times more to help counter our friends' (1) negative relationship.
In preparation for handstand, we partnered up, stood on the side of the leg our friend planned to kick up with and gave an unyielding “mitra” like hold to the inner edge of their ankle. Your friend pressed their leg into the mid line of your reliable assist and low and behold up they went. While your friend’s legs may have been fearfully flailing, or perhaps he littered you with all sorts of insecure excuses as to why he would not go up—each of you stood firm, you did not waver, and you gave without asking anything in return (except maybe not to be kicked.)
Now the true test will be whether or not we get this "mitra" hold right when we are off of our mats in our offices, cars, bedrooms...
In closing...
Let an angel swing and make you swoon, as suggested by the lyrics of the song The Riddle which was played during Svasana. Said otherwise, indulge in the gift of relationship, first and foremost with yourself and then in all of its infinitely creative and at times challenging forms with others. My wish for each of you as we left our mats was best summed up by the following:
A Blessing for Friendship by John O'Donohue
May you be blessed with good friends,
And learn to be a good friend to yourself,
Journeying to that place in your soul where
There is love, warmth, and feeling.
May this change you.
May it transfigure what is negative, distant,
Or cold within your heart.
May you be brought into real passion, kindness,
And belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them, be there for them
And receive all the challenges, truth, and light you need.
May you never be isolated but know the embrace
Of your anam cara.
("anam cara" means soul friend in the Celtic world)
With much sincerity and gratitude, thank you, thank you for sharing your practice with me each week. And to each and every one of us knowing our kalanya-mitra in this lifetime, Namaste!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Time magazine named Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg their 2010 Person of the Year. Seemed everywhere we turned as we crossed the threshold into 2011 we were nibbled on by sound bites about his life, the movie Social Network, or the awe inspiring rise of Facebook. In just seven years, Facebook is approaching 600 million users, which is about one in every dozen people on the planet! The social entity is now two times as large as the population of the U.S. and 70% of the users are outside of the U.S.
Holy cow, we crave connection!
I first pulled together this now vintage 2009 class theme when the concept of Facebook was new to me and the US was at the height of the recession. At that time Deepak Chopra had suggested in an email newsletter to focus on deepening your relationships versus acquiring things.
So it seems finding and managing the delicate balance of meaningful relationship is a perennial pursuit. Just like on our yoga mats, we don’t “get” balance once and for all, we work and play at it always.
During the opening centering, I recalled a Tibetan Buddhist prayer often recited at the start of meditation which, in short, is a wish for all beings to have happiness, be free from suffering, and that your seemingly invisible practice be of benefit to all. There is a sweet presumption inherent in both this prayer from long ago and far away and the Facebook of our times—we are never alone, we are always in relationship.
The Time article touched on the many ways the rise of social networking is pushing us to think differently about relationship—virtual vs. the power of human touch or full fish-bowl like disclosure of all aspects of yourself vs. the extraordinary gift of intimacy—the bottom line, regardless of medium or how open/closed the boundary, we need each other to see ourselves more clearly.
And these relationships (reflections) matter. A recent study concluded relationships are a key health factor right up there with diet and exercise (no surprise). One outcome of the study that really stuck with me is that negativity rules. A single negative relationship has a stronger impact on health than a positive one. In fact it takes 7.2 positive relationships to compensate for 1 negative relationship. Goes to show there is wisdom in the saying, good fences make good neighbors. Be sure to choose and manage your networks with care!
Yet, with all of this connectivity, don't you think there continues to be way too much loneliness? I passed along to you a suggestion that was once shared with me—you are never alone on your yoga mat, no matter how far away from home or you feel in your own skin.
I liken it to passing by your PC or smart phone, knowing that your Facebook friend network is always there, with something to share or eager to listen to your contribution, the only difference is that with technology today you can actually see your Facebook network with a click of a button.
It may take a while longer for most of us to advance to this (spooky) level of clairvoyance while alone on our mats; which is probably a-OK given some of you in class in turn broke out into Rockwell's ‘80s hit song “It always feels like…somebody’s watching me”. Not only was that very funny, but rest assured definitely yes…you bet we will all be there whispering, “head of the arm bones back, top of the shin forward, small micro bend in the knee, put your head between your ears ;)”
Maintaining our social network is a process. Be as flexible...
For fun, we simulated a flexible social networking process in Parsvokanasana (standing side angle bend) using the Anusara universal principles of alignment. First, open to the possibility that just about any friend request holds the possibility of genuine friendship. Accept the invitation. As you engage in the process, sometimes you’ll be the primary contributor (organic energy), and then when you let’s say cross the mid line into being a serial Facebook poster of your every action to thousands of your closest friends(narcissism), no worries, you’ll pull back, tighten the boundary (muscular energy). Other times you’ll be the steadfast listener/spectator (outer spiral), but when you become so contracted you’re not posting or commenting at all (voyeurism), you’ll loosen up and offer back your unique voice (inner spiral).
...as you are strong.
Whether social networks or the meaning of words, when we look more closely, there is always more. Kalyanam is translated as celebration of relationship, marriage. Mitra means friend or ally; but it also means the sun, the most reliable source of companionship, which gives without asking for no other reason than it can wanting nothing in return—an act of pure unadulterated grace.
I’d venture to guess all of us want companionship that gives without asking anything in return, but may find it difficult from time to time to be an unwavering ally when our friends (or ourselves) act of out of fear or lead with their insecurities.
So today on our mats we also practiced being a reliable friend. Proving to ourselves we have what it takes to be that (1) positive relationship and if needed can give up to (7) times more to help counter our friends' (1) negative relationship.
In preparation for handstand, we partnered up, stood on the side of the leg our friend planned to kick up with and gave an unyielding “mitra” like hold to the inner edge of their ankle. Your friend pressed their leg into the mid line of your reliable assist and low and behold up they went. While your friend’s legs may have been fearfully flailing, or perhaps he littered you with all sorts of insecure excuses as to why he would not go up—each of you stood firm, you did not waver, and you gave without asking anything in return (except maybe not to be kicked.)
Now the true test will be whether or not we get this "mitra" hold right when we are off of our mats in our offices, cars, bedrooms...
In closing...
Let an angel swing and make you swoon, as suggested by the lyrics of the song The Riddle which was played during Svasana. Said otherwise, indulge in the gift of relationship, first and foremost with yourself and then in all of its infinitely creative and at times challenging forms with others. My wish for each of you as we left our mats was best summed up by the following:
A Blessing for Friendship by John O'Donohue
May you be blessed with good friends,
And learn to be a good friend to yourself,
Journeying to that place in your soul where
There is love, warmth, and feeling.
May this change you.
May it transfigure what is negative, distant,
Or cold within your heart.
May you be brought into real passion, kindness,
And belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them, be there for them
And receive all the challenges, truth, and light you need.
May you never be isolated but know the embrace
Of your anam cara.
("anam cara" means soul friend in the Celtic world)
With much sincerity and gratitude, thank you, thank you for sharing your practice with me each week. And to each and every one of us knowing our kalanya-mitra in this lifetime, Namaste!
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